Wednesday, October 14, 2009
This mom thing is harder than any other job I have ever had. At least when I started a new job I got either hands on training or I got a manual. No one gave me a book or prepared me for litterally exausting nights, no "ME" time...even the cats want to sit on me or want me to hold them. The only thing I am ever lonely for now is adult conversation. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade being Anton's mom for the whole world he's the cutest little boy and so much fun when he's not screaming bloody murder! Sometimes I don't feel like I'm doing anything right or I feel like I can't do anything right I'm not sure which one. Forget a schedule I don't remember which breast he ate on last let alone how long he's been asleep or what time I changed his diaper last...was that one poopy or was it the one before that?? I feel bad for Ivan I know he's not getting much sleep either and every time he trys to complain a little bit I come back with...Oh your not getting enough sleep?? I have decided to not do that anymore...sleep means different things for different ppl...I'm ok with waking up during the night...but the hardest parts for me is when I'm tired at night and want to go to bed and Mr Anton wants to be wide awake and cry...or in the morning I need a slow wake up process crying is not slow...it's very loud and abrupt....This whole thing of sleep when he sleeps that in theroy sounds great but I have in-laws coming and my house is literally a disaster area what excuse do I give them...oh I had a baby 2 months ago. Ivan says just let him cry and get done what you need to get done...this sounds great and I have done it twice...this is really hard for me crying at night when it's sleepy time is all well and fine but when I'm awake and can be there to play with him and interact with him I feel guilty for putting anything above his needs...what can you do?? I'm sure I'll get the hang of this mommy thing eventually but until then I thought I'd just vent into my blog...gotta go he's crying....I know why am I on the computer when I could be cleaning the bathroom???